Friday, 1 May 2015

Hit and Pun

Sometimes people find this blog quite by accident - the following is a list of recent search terms that have resulted in such an occurrence: 


Something mean about Belgium


I don't recall ever saying anything mean about Belgium. But, I'd hate to disappoint my accidental fans.


Belgium is less good than other European countries, although still probably in the top ten

"Wow. You really stuck it to the Belgians."

It only said 'something mean,' it didn't say 'really mean' or 'mean as fuck.' Plus, no one knows enough about Belgium to adequately insult it. I think that they have something to do with chocolate or sausages, but what European country can't you say that about? In my mind they're essentially just the continental Wales.

"Okay, now that's pretty mean."
 


Goat cakes 


Are these people looking for:


  1. cakes made of goat,
  2. cakes shapes like goats, or
  3. cakes made by goats.
Either way I'm more of a savoury person to be honest, so if you're here for desserts you should fuck off back to 'Recent Trifles' or some other such shit.



Single parents are like superman



Yeah, but are they? Do they use their laser eyes to re-heat sausage meat? Do they use their X-ray vision to work out who is carrying sausage meat and then befriend them using their super-pheremones? Do they eat sausage meat with their super-mouths and then fly round the world to reverse time, so that they can go back to before they ate the sausage meat and be able to eat the sausage meat once more?

"Why do you think that Superman is obsessed with sausage meat?"

Oh, so you like that aspect? I'm pitching a more gritty and urban version of the character to DC in which Superman's achiles heal is an addiction to sausage meat instead of kryptonite.



"It seems like Mayor McCheese would have hamburger meat - not sausage meat."

Yeah, Superman is not going to be happy when he finds that out. He just spends the rest of the issue crying in fact.

"Sounds like my kind of superhero story."

Yeah, DC really went to touchy-feely with the Dark Knight and Man of Steel; it's time to get back to what made comics great in the golden age of the 1980s - relentless grimness.  
 

I'm single and I like it


I'm not single and I never liked it.

 

Mistakes


Yes, this is the place to come to for mistakes. Recent ones mainly.

 

Syria funny pictures


I should probably - definitely - start this by stating unconditionally that:


I HAVE NEVER BLOGGED FUNNY PICTURES OF SYRIA

The thing of interest here is that people are searching for this.

I mean...

...what the fuck?

Obviously I can't draw a funny picture of Syria, but....

"You can link to some funny ones of Belgium?"

Bingo:








You're probably thinking that this is some sort of Belgian folk tradition, called the Gilles of Binche or something, whereas in fact this is just HOW EVERY SINGLE BELGIAN PERSON DRESSES.





For more search queries, check out my previous post:




3 comments:

  1. 'Yeah, but are they? Do they use their laser eyes to re-heat sausage meat? Do they use their X-ray vision to work out who is carrying sausage meat and then befriend them using their super-pheremones? '

    This sentence starts in one font size and ends in another.

    Sort that shit right out, or else i'll shake a stick made of sausage meat right in your general direction

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a blogger problem as opposes to a me-problem. I've just come back after a 3 year hiatus and the problem existed way back then, so don't expect it to be fixed any time soon!

      Possibly there is something I can do differently, but it looks fine pre-publishing and then like garbage post-publishing.

      Yeah, so I'll have my sausage now please.

      Delete
    2. Might have solved it actually by fucking about with the HTML. I assume Google has abandoned this platform then if they still haven't solved these problems.

      THIS BLOG! Coming to a 'doesn't exist anymore' near you soon!

      Delete