Monday, 30 July 2012

Notes on why I am such a 'Materialistic Fagget'


One of my Facebook friends is a guy who updates his status roughly every 13.5 minutes. His musings are generally anti-government/the West, and are about as well spelled as a bowl of alphabetti spaghetti.

“Are you really going to dismiss his righteous polemic just because he can’t spell?”

No, I’m going to dismiss it because he can’t work out that the wiggly red line underneath words like ‘doughter’ and ‘pottato’ means:

“Nah, mate. Nah.”

The other day, we had the following exchange:

Chumpbag
There is a difference. Qaddafi worked for the Libyan people. The new government works for the United States. The Libyan people are smart enough to know the difference
Willis Shafthauer
Wasn't he bombing his own people this time last year?
Chumpbag
He was bombing mercenaries terrorist paid rats who now moved on to Syria
Willis Shafthauer ‎
"Under Gadaffi, Libya has been a pretty stable trading partner for the past few decades. So, I'm thinking, why don't we launch an expensive airstrike campaign against them and pay hundreds of thousands of mercenaries to fake a people's revolution?" "Oh yeah, what a great idea President Obama, clearly that makes loads of sense!"

Yes, so I was being a shit, but these conspiracy theorists annoy me and I thought I was right.

“So you don’t think that America is up to all sorts of badness?”

Well obviously they are, yes. But these guys make you not want to care by coming out with things like,  “lizardmen done 9-11,” and “at the end of Lost in Translation, Bill Murray tells Scarlett Johanson what’s in the briefcase from Pulp Fiction.”

Click to enlarge
I bought a super hi-tech drawing tablet so I can draw straight into my computer. So my drawing will likely get worse for a bit, then better, then more than likely worse again, followed by disturbingly sexual, in a way which suggests I don't really understand the mechanics of procreation.


So I was expecting some sort barely legible debate which I couldn’t really be bothered with, but felt compelled to compete in for fear of looking like a shitbag.


He didn’t reply directly to me though. He just updated his status again:

Chumpbag

I come under heavy criticism for what I do.if you think it's easy then whay don't you take my place so I can have a rest, at least am doing the things I believe in wile you doing the things your mind controlled in, your a materialistic fagget

And people like this, who respond to opposing viewpoints aggressively/indirectly/homophobically, think that they would do a better job of running the world? I can’t imagine that the council of mother Earth would run very efficiently if every time there was a disagreement the delegates had to leave the room to call one another ‘bourgeois faggots’ or ‘yuppy cocksuckers’ in the bathroom.

BUT ANYWAY!

I thought I knew three main things about Gadaffi.


  • He looked like a bad guy
  • He was considered out-there by other Middle-Eastern tyrants, which is like being considered zany by the loony tunes
  • He killed a load of his people, right?

Yeah, well according to Wikipedia, he never actually massacred his own people like what happened in Syria or Iraq, and the claims from the rebels about what he was doing are actually being contested by Amnesty Interrnational.

“So the homophobic mis-speller was right?”

I dunno exactly. Wikipedia provided me with a curious barrage of facts, including:


  • Gadaffi was bosom buddies with Nelson Mandella (I assume their nicknames for one another were ‘Affy South’ and ‘The Libster’).
  • He had exclusively female bodyguards, known as the ‘Amazonian Guard.’ Many of these women have since accused him of rape.
  • He was still seen as being a heroic figure in Africa.
  • After Tripoli was taken, a basement under the university to which only Gadaffi and his top brass had access to, was found to contain a bedroom, a Jacuzzi, and a fully equipped gynecological operating chamber. Yes. Gadaffi’s secret sex den contained a fully equipped gynaecological operating chamber. This is Kronenberg level darkness. 
  • He had some excellent hats
  • They found a scrap book filled with cut out pictures of Condoleeza Rice in one of his mansions.

RECENT MISTAKES


  1. Engaging in a written debate with someone who can barely spell
  2. Assuming I'm superior to the illiterate
  3. Trusting things I heard on BBC News 24


ANALYSIS


  1. Engaging in debate with anyone is dumb when you could alternatively just sit about and scratch yourself
  2. Well, I am better at them at spelling, and it's not like they can read what I write, so fuck them! 
  3. I once saw a BBC news reporter ask a random man on the street, "what would it be like if it snowed like this every day?" Is asking people unlikely hypothetical questions really 'news?' If so, here are some crackers for you:


WHAT IF BIGFOOT SHAT SUNBEAMS?

WHAT IF JIMI HENDRIX SAW DEAD PEOPLE?




P.S!

I've not had the internet for like, what? Seven weeks or something? I'm back now anyway. Believe!