When you have a blog, you have access to a page of stats. Usually you look at this in order to give yourself reason to think,
"Why don't more people like me?"
but recently I have also noticed that it has a list of Google searches which have directed people to me.
Many of these are hilarious.
And the fact that I am finding out about them means that this blog is now a perpetual nonsense machine.
Here are my favourites.
bow ties good or bad
Was this person actually expecting pictures of their vagina/cat to come up as a result of this? Google doesn't know who you are, idiot, you need to give some more information!
Maybe their puss was actually on my blog though? As far as I can remember, the only vagina I've drawn on here was that of a German pig. Is this proof that continental livestock are using the internet to research their own genitals?
Yes it is.
the reason people click like in facebook
- Because they like the thing which they are clicking 'like' to
- Because one of their whiny friends has said something particularly mopey, and they want to make them feel worse about themselves (as well they should)
- Because they fancy the person, and it's like the cyber equivalent of pulling their hair
breat inflation water
men on men
Sounds like my kind of porn.
None of this two fellers arsing about palaver, I wanna see one gang of guys smashing in another gang of guys, like a game of paint-ball with infective camouflage and a monochrome paint scheme.
I was confused by this at first.
Where they trying to type:
- man-hours, or
- man horse
Then I remembered what a hotbed the internet was for bad spelling and sexual deviance, and worked out that what they were actually trying to type was:
fuck my shitter
She probably just backed straight out of my blog. Which is a shame, as that is totally a service I would have provided.
"You assume it was a she?"
Oh no, you're right!
It could have been a man!
But I imagined it!
I IMAGINED IT!!!
virus that make you stronger
I don't know if there's a virus that would make you stronger personally, unknown Google user, but I'm pretty sure that if you were to catch a fatal cocktail of AIDS, hepatitis, and ebola, that would certainly make the species stronger overall.
"You know that finding clever ways to call stupid people stupid doesn't work. It's like buttering toast with a knife made out of jam."
I don't get it.
trench coat wank
Wanking in a trench coat is something that perverts traditionally do when confronted by something which they have the horn for.
And now perverts have the perv for pervs caught mid-perving?
A round of applause for the creativity of depravity ladies and gentlemen!
teenage mutant ninja turtles porn
UNTIL NOW THAT IS!
When I was younger, a lad I knew had his nipple pierced.
He was running one day.
He now has half as many nipples and considerably less skin.
This the kind of thing you're looking for?
Owlman was this cartoon strip which I done.
And he really isn't the sort of chap who likes to be told to where he might be fuck.
And so to all of you search engine Sallys, I say this.
Welcome to Recent Mistakes!
Giving you what you need, ever since you stopped wanting it!