Friday, 6 April 2012

When what kills you makes you stronger...

I was wasting time on the Facebook a few days ago, when I saw a guy called Glenn complaining about a song called 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' by something called Kelly Clarkson. His beef was that the song, while not killing him, was sapping the life out of him, like a hungry, hungry haemorrhoid.

Anyway, that discussion made me think about all the things that will both kill you and make you stronger, and here they are!

The T-Virus

In the 'Resident Evil' series of games (known as 'Biohazard' in Japan and 'Standard Saturday Night,' in Scotland), the T-Virus is what turns men into zombies, dogs into dog zombies, and things that are already some sort of monster into extra specially ginormous eyeball freaks.

Click pictures to enlarge
The T stands for for 'twat-making.'


Slap a dead cop in some pretty nifty robot shit, and what do you get? 

Robocop, that's what. 

Although he couldn't move forwards very quickly, it wasn't a problem, because it turned out that future criminals were well up for standing their ground and fighting, rather than fleeing like the cowardly criminals of today.

Clearly I'd got bored by the time I was drawing his legs.


Much like Pokemon evolve into bigger and stronger monsters, Jesus, as a result of crucifiction, morphed from a trampy carpenter/magician into the second most powerful being in the universe.

Super Shredder

After being crushed to death by a garbage truck at the end of the first 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' movie, Shredder returned in the second film and was, for no logical reason, stronger than ever. He was also camper than sitting in a tent and playing Judy Garland songs on a pink oboe. And as we all know, there is nothing more dangerous than a camp ninja/tin opening robot. ***

Looks like I got drawing fatigue by the legs again...

Tupac Shakur

Although he only released six albums as a liver (as in one that lives rather than the booze hating organ), Tupac has since gone on to:

  • Release a further twenty nine albums
  • Duet with Elton John, the Cantina Band from Star Wars, and, individually, all seventeen thousand members of the So Solid Crew
  • Perform a beat box/mouth noise rendition of the Latvian national anthem at that countries equivalent to Woodstock, which was called 'Izšķērdēta Mūziķi Pienācīgi Veiktufest.'
  • Get a Blue Peter badge for 'most bottle tops collected.'
  • Crack the enigma machine.

The Eighties

In the nineties there were three main things to do:

  1. Worry about the fast approaching apocalypse,
  2. Fail to resist Clinton's sexual advances, and
  3. Laugh at how shit the eighties were.
Now, you are never more than three metres away from:

  1. Someone wearing some sort of eighties item of clothing,
  2. A synth pop band, or
  3. Mr. T / David Hasselhoff / AIDS
Even though the attempt to reanimate Michael Jackson using voodoo and a car battery has only half worked, it's more the eighties now than it's ever been.

*** At least I think he was camper in the second film? I can't be bothered doing some basic research, and I've drawn the picture now, i.e. fuck it, it's done.

No comments:

Post a Comment