Old Mistakes numeral II

I should warn you that this is like the third post involving defecation I've made in the last few days, but I am running out of material on the subject now, so hopefully this will be the last!

Years and years ago (four years ago), I needed a shit, but I lived with five of my mates, so we never had any toilet roll because all we did was shit and assume that everything was going to go our way in the future. Often, when this happend, you would find yourself looking for some paper which may not be sharp to the point of lacerating you. On this day however, I thought out of the box, and was looking for something that was:

1. white, and
2. square shaped,

like a sheet of toilet roll is.

"Ah ha!" I thought, "I've got it! I shall use a slice of bread."

This seemed like a great idea, as a sheet of bread is similar to a slice of roll, so why can't they perform the same functions as one another?

Yeah, this was a colosal error, and as soon as it made contact with my anus it instantly disintegrated, leaving me with a handful of shitty Hovis and no obvious way of getting out of the situation.

OLD MISTAKES

• Being too lazy to keep on top of my toilet roll stock
• Wasting food when there are people in Bradford starving
• Innapropriate wiping

ANALYSIS

Well, I certainly won't be doing that again, but it is good to try out new ideas isn't it, and who amongst you can honestly say you've never considered using pre-sliced bread as a poo remover? And it's not like it was toast, I'm not a sado-masochist!

Yeah, so just carry on in this fashion Willis, you are fucking smashing it son.